“80k today, not bad guys”
That was a typical day for one of the offers I’m working on at Traffic & Funnels. Currently the offer is doing 300-500 front end’s per day, at a $97 price point, mainly Via youtube ads.
And it got there through rigorous testing, and some tweaks. One of the biggest ones being, altering the first line.
See, one of the big differences that separates the A list copywriters, from really good and average copywriters is starting out with a bang.
A-list copywriters know that if you don’t capture them in the first sentence, you’ll lose a lot of sales.
Take for example the following, which is the first part of a lead for one of my own offers.
Version #1:
Trevor was a good friend of mine. One day, when I saw him at LA Fitness, something was wrong. I noticed he was crying. No, not crying, gasping for air... like he was recounting a PTSD-worthy traumatic event in his life. For the better part of an hour, he did just that. Constant... Involuntary... Gasping They say guys are reluctant to show their feelings. Which makes my story all the more poignant. I first met Trevor in the locker room at LA Fitness. He had just lost his girl. Now this wasn’t just any girl. Or just any break up. Laurie worked at LA Fitness. In fact, she was one of their elite fitness models/coaches. Trevor and her had been going out together for almost a year. He really dug her. And he thought the feelings were mutual. Until about a week ago, when she lowered the boom. She had found someone else. Someone fitter, more attractive and better looking than Trevor. Ouch. That had to hurt. She done kicked him to the curb. But that wasn’t the worst of it...
Version #2:
He was near tears. They say grown men don’t cry. But: Have you ever heard the sudden gasps of air a guy takes recounting a PTSD-worthy traumatic event in his life? That was Trevor. For the better part of an hour, he did just that. Constant... Involuntary... Gasping They say guys are reluctant to show their feelings. Which makes my story all the more poignant. I first met Trevor in the locker room at LA Fitness. He had just lost his girl. Now this wasn’t just any girl. Or just any break up. Laurie worked at LA Fitness. In fact, she was one of their elite fitness models/coaches. Trevor and her had been going out together for almost a year. He really dug her. And he thought the feelings were mutual. Until about a week ago, when she lowered the boom. She had found someone else. Someone fitter, more attractive and better looking than Trevor. Ouch. That had to hurt. She done kicked him to the curb. But that wasn’t the worst of it...
This one thing separates average from elite copywriters
The 2 really aren’t that different, but did you see the difference and how much more effective starting with a bang was at drawing you in?
Wow, did you see the difference and how much more effective it was at drawing you in? Can you see how powerful starting with a bang is now?
Never ever ever bury the lead. Get right into the action and draw the customer in. Great novelists and films do this extremely well, starting in the middle of the action and working their way forwards and backwards to unveil the story.
Start with a bang and watch the conversions skyrocket.
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